Handbook for Those Who Grieve: What You Should Know and What You Can Do During Times of Loss, by Martin M Auz, Maureen Lyons Andrews
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Handbook for Those Who Grieve: What You Should Know and What You Can Do During Times of Loss, by Martin M Auz, Maureen Lyons Andrews
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• How can I best help someone who has lost a loved one? • How do I talk to a child about the death of a family member? • What do I need to think about before I plan a funeral? Confusion, bewilderment, and a lack of direction commonly surface in the aftermath of a death. It’s also the time when dealing with the issues and emotions of the experience can lead to making hasty or unwise decisions. In this revised edition of Handbook for Those Who Grieve, Martin M. Auz and Maureen Lyons Andrews offer concise, practical, topic-based lists and suggestions to help people immediately after a loss. Rather than philosophizing, theologizing, or rationalizing, the authors draw on their research and personal experiences to provide short but solid answers to help grieving people successfully deal with the countless issues and varied emotions that a person’s death is sure to thrust upon them.
Handbook for Those Who Grieve: What You Should Know and What You Can Do During Times of Loss, by Martin M Auz, Maureen Lyons Andrews - Amazon Sales Rank: #1089319 in Books
- Published on: 2015-03-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.30" h x .35" w x 6.16" l, .0 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 128 pages
Handbook for Those Who Grieve: What You Should Know and What You Can Do During Times of Loss, by Martin M Auz, Maureen Lyons Andrews From the Back Cover
The path to grief recovery. . .
This valuable resource guide provides practical information for peoplewho are grieving and the people who support them. Material is presentedin an easy-to-read format for quick reference and features: Tips for planning funerals and wakesSample sympathy letters appropriate for a variety of grief situations"Do" and "don't" lists for family and friends of the grievingHelpful lists of pertinent planning detailsInformation on helping children grieveA comprehensive list of publications and organizations that provide grief support
After twenty years of ministering to the bereaved and consulting other ministers, this is the first comprehensive book that I would recommend to those who grieve and minister. This truly is a text for life.-- Deacon Ray Deabel, president-elect, National Catholic Ministry to the Bereaved
Reading this book adds to my insight into grief after forty years of medical practice. I strongly recommend it for grieving families and the professionals who assist them.-- Thomas S. Patricoski, M.D., family physician, former chief of staff, Little Company of Mary Hospital
An essential reference, written in laymen's language. This book is a great service to the grieving.-- Martha Burke Tressler, bereavement ministry coordinator, Family Ministries Office, Archdiocese of Chicago
About the Author Martin M. Auz began his studies in grief recovery in 1978 and through the years has conducted extensive research in the area of organizational grief recovery. The loss of both his parents in 1997, less than six months apart, caused him to probe even deeper into the issues of death and grief. Maureen Lyons Andrews is the founder of her local parish’s grief recovery program, and she served as an active member of several bereavement programs in the south suburbs of Chicago. As a direct result of Andrews’ efforts, many churches, hospitals, and funeral homes in Chicagoland offer grief counseling, recovery, and support programs.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved. 1 When It Begins A time for tears, a time for laughter; a time for mourning, a time for dancing. Ecclesiastes 3:4 Death strikes. Your life is shattered. Tranquility and order are replaced by chaos and confusion. Yesterday’s gone, and it will not return. In its absence, you begin a new and a mysterious journey—a journey through grief. Death brings a myriad of emotions, responsibilities, and questions to those left behind. Every person faces grief for a first time. Yet even at the dawn of the twenty-first century, nearly half of the adult population has not been involved in planning the funeral of a loved one. And of the 50 percent of people who have planned a funeral, only half of those have planned a funeral more than once. People who have been shielded from death’s pain and sorrow not only may be naive and inexperienced with regard to funeral arrangements and grief, but they also may be overwhelmed and tongue-tied. Even people who have had contact with death and grief throughout their lifetime often find that extending condolences to the bereaved can be awkward. The Help You Need Right Now Whether it’s taking care of a dying loved one, planning the funeral, or learning to cope with the absence of that loved one, grief is the leading emotion. Decisions that must be made in each of these instances—and often in extremely short time frames—may cause confusion and resentment. These are just the first of many byways that must be traveled along one’s journey through grief. We hope this book will benefit the many people who are touched by death. There are those who are facing grief and those who are helping a loved one face grief; those who have never experienced the grieving process and those who have experienced it but are confused or bewildered by the feelings and sensitivities associated with grief. When today’s generation meets grief for the first time, the task of finding the right words and actions may seem impossible. In this book we provide suggestions for making this encounter bearable. Some of the information presented will be repeated in various sections, depending upon the particular situation the reader is facing. But each section is structured to offer encouragement to the bereaved and to reassure them that they will get past the overwhelming hurt. We believe that people who are facing the grieving process need help right now. They don’t have the time or the energy to delve into books on the meaning, psychology, or theology of grief. They need a point of reference with which to begin, somewhere to find the help they need as they are thrust into this journey. What This Book Provides This book presents basic topics relating to grief. We have provided short descriptions of what to expect, of what you need, and of what others need from you. We have put a lot of information into simple list form, and we have organized all of this in a way that makes the information easy to find. Sometimes, when a death has been violent or high profile in some way, a person is thrust into the role of being a “grief manager.” The grief manager may not actually be one of the bereaved yet is expected to know what to say and do and to give support to the bereaved. Sometimes a support person must leave his or her own grief in the background so that full attention can be given to immediate family members of the deceased. This book provides guidelines for getting through these situations. We make no attempt to rationalize, analyze, sermonize, or philosophize death, grief, religion, or our own beliefs. We have not presented case studies and examples. These may be found in the works that further explore the many aspects of grief. We are merely presenting ideas and suggestions for coping that we have found beneficial through personal experience, traditional research, and interaction with people in varying stages of the grieving process. We conclude this work with lists of books to read and organizations to contact for help with the grieving process. They are presented here merely as a catalog of available resources that we have found to be helpful. These lists are not comprehensive but offer a good start for readers who want more information. It is our hope that this book provides direction for the bereaved, guiding them through the tears and confusion to a place of healing and understanding. At various points in the journey, certain milestones will mark the nearness of their destination: emotional pain will become less severe; physical maladies will start to subside; feelings of being held captive by the memories of the deceased will begin to dissipate. Whether it’s the reader’s own journey or that of a loved one, this book provides guidelines for dealing with the many emotions associated with grief. We also hope that this book will give the reader a better understanding of the words, actions, and individual time frames that are required to complete the grieving process. Grief is work. It’s painful. You may think you can circumvent it or even ignore it. But if you pack grief away, it only resurfaces in some other aspect of your life. Face grief head-on. It won’t be an easy or quick task, but it will help lessen the pain and begin the healing. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow is a long way off. But today is here. The hurt is in the present. So today, the journey begins. 2 What to Do, What to Say Give sorrow words. The grief that does not speak Whispers [to] the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break. William Shakespeare, Macbeth, IV.iii. 209–10 Once the ordeal of burying a loved one has been completed, those left behind face an entirely new and different life. Whether it’s the loss of a spouse, parent, child, or friend, a void now exists where once there was love, friendship, and comfort; a remarkable human being is now gone. Reacting to this void is difficult for the bereaved and for those family members, friends, and coworkers who want to help. Knowing what to do, where to turn, and what to say can be a challenge. Yet we must do our best to bring consolation to those in the depths of heartache and despair. If you are grieving, don’t avoid the pain you feel but begin the healing process now by acknowledging and dealing with it. If you are supporting a person in grief, learn the ways in which you can offer the best help. When You Are the One Who Is Grieving Healing from the loss of a loved one takes time. Regardless of whether your family or friends help you with your transition, there are certain things you can do to help yourself progress through the grieving process. Try to maintain a normal, or lighter than usual, daily schedule and routine. Your body needs time to reenergize from the grueling task of saying goodbye and burying a loved one. New responsibilities or new environments may only delay your healing. You need some time to grieve. Only by fully experiencing the pain of your grief and working at resolving it can you begin to heal.Live for now. Don’t live in the past, with its regrets, resentments, and anger. Don’t live in the future, with its uncertainty, worries, and fears. Live for today. This is not to say that you should throw out memories of your loved one. Just don’t dwell on what was and what might have been. Concentrate on what you have to achieve today. Worrying about what lies ahead is destructive and drains your energy. As you start setting daily goals and achieving them, eventually you can begin developing long-term plans. Be good to yourself. Understand that it’s OK to feel depressed, to hurt, and to be angry with the deceased, the doctor, the hospital, and even God. It’s also OK to go out with friends and have a good time. Enjoy the people who are still in your life. There is no “right” way to grieve—only your way. And there is no set time frame that your grief should follow—only your time frame. There is no fixed period of mourning, no matter what other people may tell you. Be patient. And do not compare how you are grieving with how other people are grieving. Understand that healing is a process that takes time. Keep decisions—especially major ones such as selling your house or moving across the country—to an absolute minimum, particularly in the days just after the funeral. Try to allow yourself one year before making these types of decisions. You will be able to think much more clearly at the end of one year than in the days immediately after your loved one’s funeral. Keep believing that eventually you will recover from your loss, and you will. But in the meantime, make no snap decisions. Let yourself cry. Crying is a release mechanism; it’s therapeutic. It serves to help lessen the pain. Go ahead and cry; sob or scream if you need to. You will most likely feel better for doing so. Crying is not a sign of weakness; rather, it shows your love and concern. So, don’t prevent yourself from crying, but don’t force yourself to cry, either. And never apologize to others for your tears—they belong to you and serve as a release and an expression of your emotions at various stages of your mending process. Looking at pictures of your loved one or visiting the grave might bring tears. But each tear released further opens the heart for healing and allows your journey through grief to progress. Keep a journal. Writing down your thoughts and emotions can be very helpful during your sorrow. Use whatever is most comfortable—a paper journal or a computer. Either way, when you read your...
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Most helpful customer reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful. Help for the Bereaved By William When I read this book I was astounded at the conciseness of the information provided. It offers help for those who have lost a loved one and also to those who are friends and relatives and coworkers of the bereaved. There are sample letters to send to those who are grieving.I work with people who are grieving and the response to those to whom I have given the book was overwhlmingly positive.I hardily recommend highly!!
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. It is difficult to articulate such a devastating human experience as death. The handbook did a good job at this monumental task. By Joseph G. Quinn, OFM Is is difficult to articulate such a devastating human experience as death. The handbook did a good job at this monumental task. As a fellow author of this topic and former professor of the critical reflection of the counseling to the bereaved, each experience is as unique as its subject.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. Four Stars By Diane helpful
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Handbook for Those Who Grieve: What You Should Know and What You Can Do During Times of Loss, by Martin M Auz, Maureen Lyons Andrews
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Handbook for Those Who Grieve: What You Should Know and What You Can Do During Times of Loss, by Martin M Auz, Maureen Lyons Andrews
Handbook for Those Who Grieve: What You Should Know and What You Can Do During Times of Loss, by Martin M Auz, Maureen Lyons Andrews
