The Monogamy Mystery: Natural/Unnatural?, by John I. Cline
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The Monogamy Mystery: Natural/Unnatural?, by John I. Cline
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The Monogamy Mystery is a thought-provoking advanced discussion which addresses the issue of monogamy. It addresses the important questions as to whether monogamy is natural or unnatural and whether a monogamous existence can truly be achieved by mankind. It studies monogamy from a biblical, sociological, biological and spiritual perspective and arrives at a most logical conclusion. Infidelity has been a destructive force to the institution of marriage. Hence, it is important for each of us to understand the root of infidelity and learn how to conquer it in order to enjoy more fulfilling lives. Many husbands and wives find themselves in the middle of extra-marital affairs, not because they want to destroy their marriages, not because they do not love their spouses, and not because they are inherently evil or bad-intentioned. My total life experiences have brought me to a place where I have formed the view that is has become urgent to unearth some necessary truths and understanding in an effort to stop, correct, and guide future generations of persons who opt for committed relationships in their ultimate pursuit of happiness. The Monogamy Mystery is the ultimate relationship companion on the real causes of infidelity in interpersonal relationships.
The Monogamy Mystery: Natural/Unnatural?, by John I. Cline- Amazon Sales Rank: #6190245 in Books
- Published on: 2015-03-19
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x .43" w x 6.00" l, .58 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 190 pages
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Most helpful customer reviews
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful. Monogamy in a Plural Society By Kevin L. Nenstiel Sometimes it feels, in this age of presidential infidelities and quickie celebrity divorces, that monogamy has become another outdated cultural vestige. Public figures, even spiritual leaders and beloved teachers, make and break marriages with manic haste. Yet humans continue longing for meaningful bonds with other humans, bonds we contend should last throughout mortal life or beyond. How do we achieve where so many have failed? How can we reconcile lofty goals with common human frailties?Bishop John Cline, a Baptist minister from the British Virgin Islands, has wrestled with these issues throughout his career. Unsurprisingly from a Christian clergyman, his considerations come from the Bible and religious tradition; but also biology, sociology, history, and current events. He guides readers through difficult, sometimes contradictory reasoning pathways, ever mindful that, for most people, issues of fidelity, forgiveness, and union aren’t mere academic discussions or philosophical premises. They reflect our dangerous everyday lives.Cline’s answers might strike many Christians as unorthodox. His examination of changing mores through history, and meanings of key Greek scriptural terms, means many principles my generation grew up hearing repeated constantly, aren’t really biblical. Cline encourages thinking Christians seeking monogamous fidelity to separate legitimate ethical foundations from mere learned customs. This isn’t easy. Cline’s long, sometimes convoluted reasoning, reminiscent of Aristotle, provides a model for serious, intellectually engaged debate between habits and timeless truths.Quoting science, Cline admits monogamy runs against apparent human nature. Mammals generally aren’t biologically cued for lifelong fidelity. We know from experience, however, that social experiments throwing monogamous bonds overboard haven’t produced happier societies or greater prosperity. Since humans uniquely build societies designed to persist beyond the changing seasons, we have singular responsibilities to build social structures based on trust and loyalty. This often pits our biological drives against what our brains recognize as true.To paraphrase and oversimplify, Bishop Cline encourages readers to perceive marriage as a process, not a state of being; not that we are married, but we pursue our marriage through life’s stages. This means understanding our own identities, rather than grabbing fleeting emotional highs. It also means understanding the real foundations of durable relationships, rather than what romantic comedies and paperback potboilers offer. Real relationships, Cline says, are both subtle and frequently less than obvious.Too often, people get married for reasons unable to sustain lifelong commitment. Cline lists several “rules of engagement” to help readers ensure they’re getting married for the right reason. Rules include: “Marriage was not designed to make you happy,” “Aspire to achieve the God standard for marriage,” and my personal favorite, “Do not fall ‘in love.’ Understand it!” These rules contradict what we’ve learned in countless Top-40 songs, but they encourage a mindful marriage.Also, when infidelity happens—as, for many couples, it almost inevitably will—they need concrete plans for getting around it and reconstructing their relationship. Cline isn’t sentimental or misty-eyed about ideal marriages. His pastoral career has involved counseling collapsing relationships, and he’s studied marriages through good times and bad. He’s surveyed parishioners, perhaps not altogether scientifically, and understands our beliefs often don’t match our actions. Therefore, he says it’s necessary to plan for awful eventualities.Infidelity isn’t easy; Cline admits sometimes separation is best. Even Jesus left infidelity as the exception in his divorce ban. But for couples determined to persevere, he counsels certain traits, like honesty, friendship, and repentance. These attitudes, like monogamy itself, aren’t natural to humans; we generally dissemble, bear grudges, and act defensive. But Cline, like countless theologians and social scientists before himself, calls striving families to aspire to something higher, something truer than their feelings.I especially appreciate Cline’s concluding remarks dedicated to the young. Christian leaders often inculcate youth with traditions inherited from Western culture, often without firm religious or scientific foundation. Cline, by contrast, uses plain English to evaluate the difference between sex and relationship, between near-term satisfaction and long-term growth, and between real and false respect. We all desire relationships, whether romantic, platonic, or spiritual, and when youth’s feelings run high, guidance in finding relationship is priceless.Today’s frantic, high-pressure culture encourages ordinary people to take a passive attitude toward their relationships. This often results in early burnout, tragic indiscretions, and painful splits. Bishop Cline’s book, sophisticated but not long, provides tools necessary to resist such passivity. He helps eager singles construct meaningful relationships, busy marrieds sustain what they’ve built, and grieving survivors heal the wounds of betrayal. He doesn’t offer to make tough situations easy. Sometimes, difficulty is its own reward.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful. An interesting look at monogamy and its place in life and society By Meagan @ Blooming with Books The Monogamy MysteryBy John I. ClineIn The Monogamy Mystery John Cline delves into the historic, spiritual, societal, and biological factors that have and have had an impact on the ability or inability of humanity to live within the confines of a monogamous relationship. Is this a natural or unnatural inclination? This is the question John Cline addresses with thoughtful and carefully presented evidences.All too often marriage is based on the foundation of romantic love which is the weakest of all loves. This foundation is an erroneous myth that western society has created - the promise of happily ever after. But happily ever after takes work and commitment, a commitment that that is seemingly contrary to social, biological, and historical norms.Faithfulness in marriage is the desire of most people as is reflected by the vows made before God, family and friends of forsaking all others for the duration of both partners lives. But society expects unfaithfulness and has even fostered this mindset throughout history.But faithfulness, monogamy can be a reality. But it takes work and as we are often told anything worth having takes work. Monogamy is the perfect state that man (Adam) and woman (Eve) existed in before they partook in sin. Sin destroyed this perfect union at the same time it destroyed our perfect existence with God. And it is only by turning to God that we can find a solution to the troubling presence of infidelity that is destroying our marriages and damaging our families on every level.Monogamy was (and is) the first institution created by God, if we can hold onto this in our marriages we are attempting to live within His original plan. This is a spiritually ordained gift from God and it is only by relying on God and His godly principles that we can stand firm in this selflessness.Of great interest to me was that author recommends that both men and women look to Proverbs 31 on proper behavior for husbands and wives. This passage should be your go to passage throughout your life (even before one starts dating) to study as the standard for which we should model our behavior.This book should be part of every marriage counselor's library and would be an excellent study resource for a newly engaged or married couple.I was provided a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful. In this day and age, there is a lot ... By Marianne Curtis author In this day and age, there is a lot of discussion of monogamy. Most of the people I know do not believe it is possible. It seems that almost every single person I know has either cheated or been cheated on. When I picked up this book, I was very interested to see what I could learn. Having been raised in a religious family, I always believed and hoped that I would live and prosper within a monogamous marriage. However, I have since learned that I seem to be a novelty – I had an ex that wanted to share me with others; and I had another who used the Internet as means to hook up with others, all oblivious to me. This left me jaded, wondering if I should be changing my belief systems.After reading this book, I found it refreshing to find documentation that supported my beliefs and reaffirm that monogamy is possible within a relationship. It also contains valuable information on how to obtain, encourage and sustain a monogamous relationship. This book is a must read by anyone who is questioning the value of fidelity in their relationship, or has engaged in a debate on if monogamy is natural.
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